..Waiting..

Waiting because I'm dumb. Waiting because I'm stupid.
Waiting because I'm an idiot. Waiting because I can't let you go.
Waiting because my heart wont you go.

Personal Whispers

"I'm so tired" she whispered to herself, wishing he'd understand.
"I need you" escapes her lips as the image of him fades away.
He can't hear her. He doesn't want to anyways.
Tears escape her eyes. Words overwhelm her. Her heart breaks once again.
A clean low sound. Like the snapping of a flowers stem.
Her black hole gets even deeper

Such a fool

I miss you..i called out to no one in particular

My only reply..silence

I miss you..i called out again childishly..hoping maybe this time he’d hear me

A voice in my head reprimands me..you fool..you stupid idiotic fool..

He loves you not..misses you not.. you do not dwell in his mind..you do not appear in his dreams, waking or otherwise...he does not want you nor need you..he does not desire you nor fear you..you are nothing to him..merely a winter nights ghost..an unwanted apparition..an idiotic mistake..

I love him..i whisper to the voice..my heart quivers in my chest..my breath coming out ever so slightly against my dry lips..i still love him..i hang my head..swallow my useless love..

Forget…the voice urges…let go…be gone hurtful one…I banish you…

No..i protest..No..

Child, it does not do to dwell upon dreams..wishes and desire…and forget to live

I have long forgotten the ways of the living…I do not live as do others…I roam this earth..soullessly…aimlessly…an empty shell of what once was me…a bare vessel..

A silent breeze plays with strands of my hair…teasing me…my eyes droop ever so faintly.. and I tap away at this device you call a laptop..wishing he could read these words as I type them…as if they could materialize into his skull as I write them..i can see them now..slowly taunting him..begging him to read them..

Such a fool..oh such a fool..

.

What have i ever done to deserve this?

I've gone through life bending over backwards not to hurt anyone, I've never chosen my own happiness and well being over anyone else. And the one time i choose myself, this shit happens.

I wish i never existed
Strike me now
End this
I cant take it anymore

Fact

To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven..


Fact.

Why?

Why is it that when you give up on something, suddenly it does exactly what you wanted?

Why is it that when you stop wishing, an old wish you made years ago comes true?

Why is it that when you finally accept the unhappiness bestowed upon you, you are given a glimpse of heaven?

Why is it that the fairytale you've always wanted, decides to show itself to you just when you stop believing in it?

Why is it that you simply cannot control your heart?

Been Busy

Ah crap i neglected the blog again. Fail.

I meant to keep up with posting and stuff but i got a bit too busy and completely forgot about this blog. *sigh*

Anyways, October is over and here is November, which is proving to be a good month so far. Hope it lasts.

I've been joining way too many things around Uni and stuff that I've been coming home exhausted and extremely hungry at times. I finally am starting to read properly again. Well not properly like before but i try to whenever i have a break and have nothing to do and no one to sit with, which admittedly happens every day as i really do not have anyone to sit with. I lead such a solitary life. It's very fun huh? Extremely fantastic to be so alone, all the time.