Such a fool

I miss you..i called out to no one in particular

My only reply..silence

I miss you..i called out again childishly..hoping maybe this time he’d hear me

A voice in my head reprimands me..you fool..you stupid idiotic fool..

He loves you not..misses you not.. you do not dwell in his mind..you do not appear in his dreams, waking or otherwise...he does not want you nor need you..he does not desire you nor fear you..you are nothing to him..merely a winter nights ghost..an unwanted apparition..an idiotic mistake..

I love him..i whisper to the voice..my heart quivers in my chest..my breath coming out ever so slightly against my dry lips..i still love him..i hang my head..swallow my useless love..

Forget…the voice urges…let go…be gone hurtful one…I banish you…

No..i protest..No..

Child, it does not do to dwell upon dreams..wishes and desire…and forget to live

I have long forgotten the ways of the living…I do not live as do others…I roam this earth..soullessly…aimlessly…an empty shell of what once was me…a bare vessel..

A silent breeze plays with strands of my hair…teasing me…my eyes droop ever so faintly.. and I tap away at this device you call a laptop..wishing he could read these words as I type them…as if they could materialize into his skull as I write them..i can see them now..slowly taunting him..begging him to read them..

Such a fool..oh such a fool..