Monday, August 30, 2010


Typing down what i want to buy list so i don't forget.

1. Coco Chanel lipstick
2. A long cardigan
3. Tank tops (Forever21)
4. New books (From Virgin)
5. Dark jeans that fit!
6. Ankle boots (Maybe Aldo)
7. Tripod

I think that's it for now. Hopefully I'll get some of them by the end of this week.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Put A Smile On

So I've been reading posts from my old blog back in 2008 and saw that i still have the same feelings, still have the same issues and still want to rant about them.

I don't really know if its healthy to do this because i keep going back to the same subjects over and over again. It's probably healthy to get things out of your system but probably not so good to bring up the same issues.

I don't know though.. i mean i still do feel the same.. i still have the exact same moments when i feel so.. utterly crestfallen.. moments when i just want to lock myself up somewhere and cry my eyes out. I may have gotten better at hiding those moments, may have gotten better at keeping the tears at bay but that doesn't mean i don't feel so shitty and so so damn sad inside...

I have been away from the source of my rants for a while but come fall it'll all come flooding back, i just know it.. I guess i have to be prepared for that to happen. I have to brace myself and say 'hey, theres no hiding from this no matter how much you want to. Just suck it up, put a smile on and try to ignore it'

I know that ignoring wont make it go away.. or would it? Oh i don't know.. i don't know what to think anymore..

Why wasn't i one?

There's this one thing... one of a million things probably... that pisses me off so much.

It's those pretty and young girls flaunting all they have on Facebook.

When i say young that doesn't mean that i, myself, am old. I am young but their kind of young-ness is the fact they're between 12 and 17. I've already passed that stage and i didn't pass it by "flaunting whatever beauty i may or may not have had". I never had guy after guy wanting me, i never had guys hung up on me to the point that they'd discuss their heartaches with other people.

I had this one friend, had because he moved away and we don't really talk anymore, but yeah i had this friend who liked a younger girl, and she is very pretty i tell you. He kept talking about her with me, saying this and that, ranting, asking for advice, etc... and the girl was.. hmm i don't really remember her age but something between 13 and 16.. but c'mon shes so young and he was a few years older than me, at the time i was 18.

It makes me wonder what it takes to be one of those girls. Why wasn't i one?