Goodbye September

So its the last day of September and the song "wake me up when September ends" is echoing in my head. I'm ending this month on blogger with only 11 posts, mainly because I don't have such an eventful and interesting life to write about. But it felt right to type a little something tonight. So goodbye September and hello October. Time seems to fly by.. scary..

I'm starting Uni again this Sunday with 5 subjects that i hope I'll be able to pass with good grades.. damn i have maths *dies* I really really hope i don't fail it!

The clock ticks by warning me that midnight is very close and that i should hurry up and type something decent and post it before the clock strikes 12..

I don't have anything decent to type sadly. All i have is a mind full of whirling emotions.. disappointment.. hurt.. solitude..

Seriously?

Seriously, am i going to feel this way for the rest of my life?

Am i always going to feel left out and out of place? Will i ever 'fit in' ?

Everywhere i go..no matter what i do or look like, no matter what i wear or dont wear.. its a constant battle of feeling so so alone and not included...

Maybe I'd feel better in Hogwarts.. *sigh*

Craving Food

I'm craving food..lots and lots of food..

McDonalds McChicken and french fries with Pepsi
Burger King chicken tenders and french fries
KFC popcorn chicken and french fries
Dairy queen tripe scoop vanilla ice cream
Penne Arabiata
Spaghetti Bolognese
Brownies
Chocolate chip Cookies
Vanilla cupcakes
Pansit
Chicken grills
Chello kebab

and so much more... :(

.Update.

Another update:

To-buy-list:
1. Coco Chanel lipstick - GOT IT
2. A long cardigan
3. Tank tops (Forever21) - GOT 1
4. New books (From Virgin) - GOT 2
5. Dark jeans that fit! - GOT 1
6. Ankle boots (Maybe Aldo)
7. Tripod
8. Eye shadow brush - GOT IT
9. Two new perfumes
10. Scented candle
11. Chanel eye shadow pallet
12. Bubble bath (sephora) - GOT IT
13. High heels
14. Tops and T-shirts

Family Issues

Since today's the second day of Eid so that means my parents, sister and i go to a family lunch on my dads side of the family. It's an old tradition that goes back as far as i can remember. I remember i used to be a little happy to see my cousins, whom i had fun playing with. I was too young to notice anything so i think that's why i was happy and carefree. I didn't feel the tension in the air. I didn't notice some remarks, some harsh dealings and words. I never noticed anything. But now that I'm much older, i notice..

At some point while growing up i started hating going to these lunches. I don't remember exactly when the hate started but I'm guessing sometime between 12 and 13. I would dislike going there but i still did not notice much. I liked talking to my uncle's Filipino wife though.

I don't know why i don't have a normal family, its like everyone is forced to attend these lunches and everyone's just sitting there waiting for it to end, making small talk, eating, drinking tea and such.

I sometimes wish i had a normal family life. I listen to other people's version of gatherings, see people's photos with their cousins and think...why don't i get to have that too?

Smack

&& smack I'm hit in the face again and again and again...

I don't know why i log into facebook so much, i mean i go there to stalk people, to type random stuff into my status since twitter doesn't have enough space, and i post up photos and play games but every once in a while i get bitch slapped in the face. I don't know, its like i bring it onto myself, i cause this wave of 'feelings' to wash over me. I just don't know...

You'd think intense jealousy would stop after the age of 11 as we grow older and mature enough to not be so jealous but we really don't...

September 10

Well my quotes collection is up to 20-something. That's pretty good, I'm going to keep collecting!

So today's the first day of Eid and i wake up with a damn stomachache, lovely, NOT.

September 8

So I'm going to try and blog every couple of days or so just because i don't want to have just 5 posts in each month.

I really don't do much these so there isn't much to talk about.

So on Saturday i went to the mall and got a few things from to-buy-list and everything is listed in the updated list before this post. I was looking for a pretty cardigan but couldn't find one the right length or color, my cousin bought one from Forever21 but it had striped and I'm not a big stripes fan. And today i happened to walk into Mango and browse around, i saw a lot of cardigans, a few colors and different styles but couldn't decide which one to buy and i also didn't think any of them would suit me much.. i don't know.. maybe it was an insecure moment. Maybe I'll go back in a few days and just pick one.

I've decided to make a quotes collection book/notebook. I've written down about 11 or 12 so far. I hope i end up getting a huge collection and actually fill up the notebook =)

:)

So i recently went to the mall and got some stuff! So here's an updated list.

To-buy-list:
1. Coco Chanel lipstick - GOT IT
2. A long cardigan
3. Tank tops (Forever21) - GOT 1
4. New books (From Virgin) - GOT 2
5. Dark jeans that fit!
6. Ankle boots (Maybe Aldo)
7. Tripod
8. Eye shadow brush - GOT IT
9. Two new perfumes
10. Scented candle
11. Chanel eye shadow pallet
12. Bubble bath (sephora) - GOT IT

Utter Bliss

I find myself getting so bored to the point where i actually want to go back there. I actually want to go back to being busy and tired and always on the go.

I never felt like i fit in anywhere, always out of place. No matter where i go, where i join or who I'm with there's always this nagging feeling inside that it just isn't right, these are not the people I'm supposed to be with, not the place I'm supposed to be in.. but there's always an exception to the rule, isn't there? I only feel at home with one person and i hope i always feel at home with him.

But other than that, it's always the same feeling.

I didn't have this feeling this strongly years ago. There were two places where i felt like i belonged, a bestfriend i used to have.. and a circle i used to love, used to look forward to, used to feel like home.

& now I'll obviously go back to one of those places sooner or later, I'll need distractions or I'm doomed. Funny how a book can become your bestfriend overnight. Funny how its your salvation, your refuge to stare into its sheets of paper, to read each word hungrily, to be so involved into its paragraphs that for an instant you forget where you are and who you're surrounded with..and it becomes utter bliss..

Updated to-buy-list

Updated:

To-buy-list:
1. Coco Chanel lipstick
2. A long cardigan
3. Tank tops (Forever21)
4. New books (From Virgin)
5. Dark jeans that fit!
6. Ankle boots (Maybe Aldo)
7. Tripod
8. Eye shadow brush
9. Two new perfumes
10. Scented candle
11. Chanel eye shadow pallet
12. Bubble bath (sephora)