Friday, October 22, 2010

October Bad Spell

October hasn't been treating me very well. I was having a very bad month, encountering lots of shit every day. Personal problems became so annoying. But hopefully the bad spell is over now and I'll be having good or at least boring event-less days.

Spent a while tidying up my room a little, I'm being very OCD and feeling like i should be organized and fix up my mess.

That's it for now. Rant over.

Saturday, October 16, 2010


This is so fucking irritating. It's so annoying to the point that i would actually get violent.

I hate girls. I hate stupid idiotic overly confident evil eye giving bitches. You all must die. JUST DIE.

Leave me alone. Leave him alone. Leave us alone. And die.

Stop doing this shit. Just stop it. I can't take it anymore and i feel like I'm going to explode.

Every time this happens i try and try so hard to contain my anger. I try so hard to put a smile on and laugh. Just fucking stop it.. oh and die. Please, thanks!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Weekend Is Here!

Finally the weekend is here!

October hasn't been a good month for me. So much drama, so many problems and overall gloom and doom. I've been having bad days for a while, nothing goes right and something just HAS TO go wrong. Please let this be a slow event-less weekend!

The one good thing i can mention is the fact that the weather is starting to get cooler. We've been having a cool breeze for a couple of days. It actually felt cool today. Sort of like a perfect weather as it wasn't too hot or too cold, this was in the afternoon obviously as the sun at midday is horrible. So hello winter! Hello to jackets, coats, boots, tights, scarves and sweaters. Hello to hot tea with milk, hot chocolate, hot baths and possibly rainy days.

I love you summer but I'm sort of tired of you, bye bye now, see you next year!

So lately I've been looking at photos of overfilled bookshelves, huge libraries and simply books in general and it made me wish i had a large library. It made me wish i had shelves upon shelves of books. I need to start reading again. I was hoping I'd be able to in Uni but i really haven't had the time. Hopefully i will do some much needed reading this week. Hopefully.

Friday, October 8, 2010


I hate you.

I hate you for getting whatever you want. I hate you for being so fucking spoiled. I hate you for getting away with things. I hate you for getting things before i ever did. I hate you for existing.

I hate you too.

I hate you for flaunting it. I hate your confidence. I hate your smile. I hate your photos.

I hate money. I hate my internet. I hate my clothes. I hate my bed. I hate my body. I hate my health. I hate my face. I hate my teeth. I hate my eyes. I hate my hair. I hate my nose. I hate my skin. I hate my stomach. I hate my colon. I hate my thighs. I hate my legs. I hate my toes. I hate my toenails. I hate my fingernails. I hate my moles. I hate my chest. I hate my butt. I hate my lips.

I hate facebook.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


I haven't had much time for blogger since Sunday. I've been very busy with Uni and had to deal with lots of drama and many problems. I'm exhausted and have been since Sunday. I hope it gets better, i hope i can manage my time better starting next week.

I had to study math for the first time since i finished high school, i had numbers whirling around in my head for a while but at least i understand the material so far. Hope i do well.

Bye for now

Saturday, October 2, 2010


Jealousy: [jel-uh-see]
mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

So I'm mental? Apparently i am. I've been suffering jealousy and envy for a long time. It's never easy to be jealous of someone, its a very hateful feeling, just awful. It happens without one really knowing or meaning it, well at least sometimes. I don't like feeling this way. I never thought I'd be feeling this way almost everyday. But the sad truth is.. i am. I'm jealous of people healthy enough to pursue whatever they want. Jealous of people who own material goods that i don't own. Jealous of certain characteristics that some people have that i don't. Jealous of physical features that celebrities or any normal human being have. Jealous of the amount of attention that people seem to get without even asking for it, without even realizing how much attention they're really getting, to the point that they even expect it!

This blog seems to be turning into a place for my negative and most hateful thoughts and feelings.. but i just can't fucking help it..

I hope to God that tomorrow will be a good day.. even thought i highly doubt it..I'll be prepared for anything.. any little rainy cloud that longs to rain over my head..

Tomorrow I'll bring a book along to occupy myself, to hide, to lose myself into another realm, a strangers life and point of view..

Friday, October 1, 2010

Cant Fight It

I've always hated people with big ego's, people who love themselves (too much in my opinion), people who are over confident, people who call themselves all kinds of "good" adjectives like "sexy" and "hot", people who get complimented by those "good" adjectives on a daily basis...

How the hell did i end up sharing my everyday moments with a person like that? A person who loves the opposite sex so much? Maybe too much?

I don't like it and there's nothing i can do that will make a change. Not a significant change anyways.

I can't fight it, i can't help it, there's nothing i can do that will distract that person long enough. I've tried a lot of ways, none of them work long enough.

It's like no matter what i do, no matter what outfit i put on, no matter what pair of heels i wear, no matter any amount of make up on my face will make enough of an impact to last a while.. it only works in the moment but i think the memory fades the exact next day and I'm back to square one all over again.

I hate feeling this way so much.. & sadly I'm going to encounter this feeling on a daily basis all over again starting Sunday..

October 1st

I want to attempt to write at least one blog post a day but often find myself staring at a blank box for a long time and still have nothing to write.

Anyways, I'm in bed -well sitting on top if it- in my pajamas as usual. Staring at my blackberry, willing it to ring..
Hah pathetic aren't it?

I feel like such a nerd. I've had my Uni notebook, file and pens ready for ages.. Oh well.. at least i wrote a little something.