September 8

So I'm going to try and blog every couple of days or so just because i don't want to have just 5 posts in each month.

I really don't do much these so there isn't much to talk about.

So on Saturday i went to the mall and got a few things from to-buy-list and everything is listed in the updated list before this post. I was looking for a pretty cardigan but couldn't find one the right length or color, my cousin bought one from Forever21 but it had striped and I'm not a big stripes fan. And today i happened to walk into Mango and browse around, i saw a lot of cardigans, a few colors and different styles but couldn't decide which one to buy and i also didn't think any of them would suit me much.. i don't know.. maybe it was an insecure moment. Maybe I'll go back in a few days and just pick one.

I've decided to make a quotes collection book/notebook. I've written down about 11 or 12 so far. I hope i end up getting a huge collection and actually fill up the notebook =)

:)

So i recently went to the mall and got some stuff! So here's an updated list.

To-buy-list:
1. Coco Chanel lipstick - GOT IT
2. A long cardigan
3. Tank tops (Forever21) - GOT 1
4. New books (From Virgin) - GOT 2
5. Dark jeans that fit!
6. Ankle boots (Maybe Aldo)
7. Tripod
8. Eye shadow brush - GOT IT
9. Two new perfumes
10. Scented candle
11. Chanel eye shadow pallet
12. Bubble bath (sephora) - GOT IT

Utter Bliss

I find myself getting so bored to the point where i actually want to go back there. I actually want to go back to being busy and tired and always on the go.

I never felt like i fit in anywhere, always out of place. No matter where i go, where i join or who I'm with there's always this nagging feeling inside that it just isn't right, these are not the people I'm supposed to be with, not the place I'm supposed to be in.. but there's always an exception to the rule, isn't there? I only feel at home with one person and i hope i always feel at home with him.

But other than that, it's always the same feeling.

I didn't have this feeling this strongly years ago. There were two places where i felt like i belonged, a bestfriend i used to have.. and a circle i used to love, used to look forward to, used to feel like home.

& now I'll obviously go back to one of those places sooner or later, I'll need distractions or I'm doomed. Funny how a book can become your bestfriend overnight. Funny how its your salvation, your refuge to stare into its sheets of paper, to read each word hungrily, to be so involved into its paragraphs that for an instant you forget where you are and who you're surrounded with..and it becomes utter bliss..

Updated to-buy-list

Updated:

To-buy-list:
1. Coco Chanel lipstick
2. A long cardigan
3. Tank tops (Forever21)
4. New books (From Virgin)
5. Dark jeans that fit!
6. Ankle boots (Maybe Aldo)
7. Tripod
8. Eye shadow brush
9. Two new perfumes
10. Scented candle
11. Chanel eye shadow pallet
12. Bubble bath (sephora)

To-buy-list

Typing down what i want to buy list so i don't forget.

To-buy-list:
1. Coco Chanel lipstick
2. A long cardigan
3. Tank tops (Forever21)
4. New books (From Virgin)
5. Dark jeans that fit!
6. Ankle boots (Maybe Aldo)
7. Tripod

I think that's it for now. Hopefully I'll get some of them by the end of this week.

Put A Smile On

So I've been reading posts from my old blog back in 2008 and saw that i still have the same feelings, still have the same issues and still want to rant about them.

I don't really know if its healthy to do this because i keep going back to the same subjects over and over again. It's probably healthy to get things out of your system but probably not so good to bring up the same issues.

I don't know though.. i mean i still do feel the same.. i still have the exact same moments when i feel so.. utterly crestfallen.. moments when i just want to lock myself up somewhere and cry my eyes out. I may have gotten better at hiding those moments, may have gotten better at keeping the tears at bay but that doesn't mean i don't feel so shitty and so so damn sad inside...

I have been away from the source of my rants for a while but come fall it'll all come flooding back, i just know it.. I guess i have to be prepared for that to happen. I have to brace myself and say 'hey, theres no hiding from this no matter how much you want to. Just suck it up, put a smile on and try to ignore it'

I know that ignoring wont make it go away.. or would it? Oh i don't know.. i don't know what to think anymore..

Why wasn't i one?

There's this one thing... one of a million things probably... that pisses me off so much.

It's those pretty and young girls flaunting all they have on Facebook.

When i say young that doesn't mean that i, myself, am old. I am young but their kind of young-ness is the fact they're between 12 and 17. I've already passed that stage and i didn't pass it by "flaunting whatever beauty i may or may not have had". I never had guy after guy wanting me, i never had guys hung up on me to the point that they'd discuss their heartaches with other people.

I had this one friend, had because he moved away and we don't really talk anymore, but yeah i had this friend who liked a younger girl, and she is very pretty i tell you. He kept talking about her with me, saying this and that, ranting, asking for advice, etc... and the girl was.. hmm i don't really remember her age but something between 13 and 16.. but c'mon shes so young and he was a few years older than me, at the time i was 18.

It makes me wonder what it takes to be one of those girls. Why wasn't i one?